What does a divorce coach do?

What does a divorce coach do?

The divorce coach works with family lawyers, keeping clients clear about their long term priorities and ensuring that they get the best possible agreement for themselves and their families.

The first session with the coach allows the client to talk about their situation in depth, exploring all the mix of practical considerations and emotions that are involved. This time can help the client to get some perspective on events and begin to clarify what matters most to them and how to go about achieving the best outcome from the divorce.

It may become clear that their emotions are clouding judgement and preventing the client from focussing on the priorities both for themselves, their children and often the other people who are caught up in the divorce, such as parents and close friends.

Family and friends are often keen to offer advice and judgement and express their own concerns and this may make it difficult for the client to be clear about their own feelings and to remain focussed on what matters most to them in the long term.  The coach does not bring his or her own agenda in to the meeting but listens and, when needed, offers timely questions so providing an opportunity for the client to reflect and gain clarity.

You may recognise your pattern, or that of your ex-partner, in one (or more) of the scenarios below:

Guilt

It is not uncommon for a client to be very concerned for the welfare of their ex- partner and be keen to cause as little pain as possible to them during the divorce process.  They may feel that the breakdown of the marriage is their fault and this can make it difficult for them to think clearly about what is fair and to ask for what they will need out of the settlement.

The divorce coach will help the client to recognise that their remorse, their grief or their lack of self-worth is clouding their judgement. Once this is recognised the client can gain a more objective view of the situation and be able to consider a solution that is fair to all parties and this will allow them to reach a settlement that they will be happy with in the longer term.

Anger

Often a client feels hurt, resentment or anger towards their ex-partner, perhaps because they feel betrayed, let down or abandoned. Such emotion, although it may be valid, makes it difficult to think beyond the desire to have ex-partner fully understand the pain that they have caused or simply beyond the desire for revenge. The coach can help the client get passed their emotion and see things from a more objective perspective.

Fear

The prospect of picking up the pieces and coping alone can be overwhelming at times -  you may have to juggle providing stability for the children, managing finances and finding somewhere to live at the same time as losing the loyalty of some friends. The list may be long and your fearful thoughts can drive you to distraction affecting your sleep, your energy and it seems even you sanity at times. Your coach can give you coping strategies, help you to unpick the useful thoughts from the ones that are unhelpful and often not even true. Once your thoughts are in order he or she may be able to offer guidance or recommend a money coach or a life coach to support you until you are back on your feet.

Numbness

 Sometimes feelings become completely shut off and we the client may feel as if they are living in a dream or like a robot. This is a protective measure in the short term that prevents you from suffering overwhelm but it is not a good long term strategy if you want to take control of the course of events!  Your coach will help you deal with the reality of the situation at your own pace so that you can get your feet back on the ground. Once this is achieved you can begin to make compassionate and sound decisions about your family and your future.

Often a brief intervention from a coach is sufficient to support you through your divorce and beyond. Occasionally it will be clear to the client that some extra time is needed and this can be arranged through your divorce coach. www.absolute-specialists.co.uk

feedback from workshops

My feedback from workshops has been scored at  4.8 /5 - an average of over 70 attendees.
Here is an example of some specific feedback:

Hazel was most struck by the willingness of people who had not previously been to a workshop to participate and their recognition that this is a powerful tool. She said: 'It was good for me as a practitioner to practice this techniqiue on someone I had not met before today.
Clare held the space very confidently and calmly and at times challenged people so that the structure and essence of the approach was not diluted. I learned a lot from watchig the others practice too.'

Emma found the workshop to offer her a 'nice' intimate group' she felt the pain releaser techniique clicked with her and she can start to apply it in practice.

Another delegate find the pain release technique simple and effective and has been using it with her clients with great success.

Another delegate was struck by the simplicity of the process and great delivery of the workshop.

And another, again struck by the simplicity and effectiveness of the technique arrived with a tension headache and left feeling peaceful and excited!
www.absolute-specialists.co.uk

divorcing amicably and for a fixed fee

Introducing collaborative law:
the amicable way to divorce.

Absolute specialists are working closely with lawyers who support thier clients to part amicably, putting their children's interests first.

It is now possible to divorce without going to court but by sitting round a table and discussing how best to do it. This is a no-fight way to separate that allows everyone's needs to be considered.
We at Absolute are supporting this process whole-heartedly as it minimises the pain caused and maximises the likelyhood that the parting couple are able to remain on reasonable terms and move forward knowing that they did things in the best way possible.

A new website - www.dovetaildivorce.com contains a cost calculator that allows you to cost out the divorce. The fee includes the input from an IFA, who will advise on the options for working out the financial arrangements and a divorce coach who will ensure that the parting couple ar emotionally prepared for the process. This specialist support keeps the costs down by allowing the lawyers to focus on the legal apsects of the divorce.

If you need to involve a lawyer in the divorce this is probably the cheapest and best way of doing it.

So if you are considering divorce then have a look at the site. And please pass this on to anyone you know who might benefit.


http://www.dovetaildivorce.com

Success with a young musician with stage fright

Hi Clare. Sorry i haven't replied sooner. I did perform in the talent show two times on the last day. Felt sick and used [the technique you taught me]. Stayed on to play two songs both times, wanted to get off after the first but it was great. Thanks I don't know how it would have gone without your help. :) www.absolute-specialists.co.uk

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Feedback from a client fearing another bout of depression after a bereavement

All is good with me,  I have managed to make time 2 to 3 times a week to do the daily exercises you showed me.

Ive had a recent situation which would have thrown me into a bit of turmoil a few months back, but after  your helpful sessions and what I have learned I ahve been able to take each day one at a time and bring myself back into the moment when I feel my thoughts getting ahead of me.

I do feel totally back on track - and better than I've felt for a long time, thanks to your help. KC

www.absolute-specialists.co.uk

Feedback from Emma Pearmaine, Family Lawyer, Simpson Millar

Clare has helped a number of my clients to cope with the arduous and emotional stress of family separation. This help has been invaluable for the clients because they have been helped to make sense of their emotions and cope with their situations. It has also been invaluable for me because it has helped my clients to best assess the advice I give and make sensible decisions. It has also saved the clients a considerable amount of money, because it is not cost effective to use a lawyer as a counsellor - and we do not have the necessary counselling skills in any event!

I think Clare does a fantastic and professional job. The clients all relate to her well, irrespective of their problems or background. Following a session with Clare they come away positive and calm and ready to deal with the next step in the case. Clare is also very good at liasing with me, to ensure we are both helping the client in a consistent way. I would not hesitate to recommend her.www.absolute-specialists.co.uk

What does it mean to be an Absolute Specialist?

All the techniques we use and teach at Absolute are ways of putting us in touch with our inner wisdom, with peace, love or grace - whatever you want to call it. It means our consciousness has been drawn out of the thinking mind to a deeper level where we have clarity, wisdom and peace. We also have enthusiasm, purpose, motivation and empowerment and many other benefits.

When we are in this place the ego has taken a back seat - it is the ego that causes pain, confusion and makes us hurtful, fearful, vengeful, stressed, guilty etc etc. Absolute coaching is about working from our deeper truth and not from ego.

As practitioners, if we are in this zone when working with clients it is far easier to get them to go there too. From here they will find their own answers. This is absolute coaching! It is a way of working and being that we can apply to therapy, coaching, training and to businesses and other organisations.


Keeping in the zone especially when challenged or stressed takes practice - daily practice - for a lifetime or two!! We won't manage to be there all the time but that is what we aspire to do. We all need support to do this from people who have experienced and overcome the same challenges that we are facing. That is the purpose of the absolute community, the workshops, the peer supervision and the one-to-ones.


Being an absolute specialist means that we are commited to working from the zone as much as possible - that is all - everything else will follow
www.absolute-specialists.co.uk