Sunday 26 February 2012

What does a divorce coach do?


What does a divorce coach do?

The divorce coach works with family lawyers, keeping clients clear about their long term priorities and ensuring that they get the best possible agreement for themselves and their families.
The first session with the coach allows the client to talk about their situation in depth, exploring all the mix of practical considerations and emotions that are involved. This time can help the client to get some perspective on events and begin to clarify what matters most to them and how to go about achieving the best outcome from the divorce.
It may become clear that their emotions are clouding judgement and preventing the client from focussing on the priorities both for themselves, their children and often the other people who are caught up in the divorce, such as parents and close friends.
Family and friends are often keen to offer advice and judgement and express their own concerns and this may make it difficult for the client to be clear about their own feelings and to remain focussed on what matters most to them in the long term.  The coach does not bring his or her own agenda in to the meeting but listens and, when needed, offers timely questions so providing an opportunity for the client to reflect and gain clarity.
You may recognise your pattern, or that of your ex-partner, in one (or more) of the scenarios below:
Guilt
It is not uncommon for a client to be very concerned for the welfare of their ex- partner and be keen to cause as little pain as possible to them during the divorce process.  They may feel that the breakdown of the marriage is their fault and this can make it difficult for them to think clearly about what is fair and to ask for what they will need out of the settlement.
The divorce coach will help the client to recognise that their remorse, their grief or their lack of self-worth is clouding their judgement. Once this is recognised the client can gain a more objective view of the situation and be able to consider a solution that is fair to all parties and this will allow them to reach a settlement that they will be happy with in the longer term.
Anger
Often a client feels hurt, resentment or anger towards their ex-partner, perhaps because they feel betrayed, let down or abandoned. Such emotion, although it may be valid, makes it difficult to think beyond the desire to have ex-partner fully understand the pain that they have caused or simply beyond the desire for revenge. The coach can help the client get passed their emotion and see things from a more objective perspective.
Fear
The prospect of picking up the pieces and coping alone can be overwhelming at times -  you may have to juggle providing stability for the children, managing finances and finding somewhere to live at the same time as losing the loyalty of some friends. The list may be long and your fearful thoughts can drive you to distraction affecting your sleep, your energy and it seems even you sanity at times. Your coach can give you coping strategies, help you to unpick the useful thoughts from the ones that are unhelpful and often not even true. Once your thoughts are in order he or she may be able to offer guidance or recommend a money coach or a life coach to support you until you are back on your feet.
Numbness
 Sometimes feelings become completely shut off and we the client may feel as if they are living in a dream or like a robot. This is a protective measure in the short term that prevents you from suffering overwhelm but it is not a good long term strategy if you want to take control of the course of events!  Your coach will help you deal with the reality of the situation at your own pace so that you can get your feet back on the ground. Once this is achieved you can begin to make compassionate and sound decisions about your family and your future.

Often a brief intervention from a coach is sufficient to support you through your divorce and beyond. Occasionally it will be clear to the client that some extra time is needed and this can be arranged through your divorce coach. www.absolute-specialists.co.uk